Life

We have now been in Nova Scotia for 4 months, sometimes it feels like longer, sometimes it feels like we arrived yesterday. We still have boxes to unpack, things that need to be organized and things to be discarded. I have done this moving thing several times already so I know the drill, one box at a time and eventually they will be emptied or perhaps not. I am tired of the boxes but not soo tired that I attack them with some sort of gusto. Oh well, they will be taken care of with time. 

For those that know me really well, you know that I have been trying to figure out more of who I am and what I am made for. Some would say that I should know this already, that is what your 20's are made for, but for a multitude of reasons, some I know and some I don't, these questions never presented themselves in this particular way. I am finally ok with the questions and now I am on to the answers. The next will probably be cliche but I will travel this path anyway. As I am on my 39th year of life soon to cross to another decade I want to make sure that I am being and doing all that I was created for. Throughout my life I have had my ups and downs, life and death, and I just want to know that I am "living with gusto". 

Often times I think living abundantly, with gusto, means that everything is all good and cherries, but I am beginning to rethink. I know that living in relationship with God is better than not but it doesn't mean I am immune from crisis, despair, fear, or financial strain. My wonderfully creative friend Aaron offered some great words to me last night. We were wondering why God seems to answer the finance questions last, at least in our estimations. Aaron says probably because if He answered them quickly then we would go on our merry little ways, forgetting to stop and have God deal with us and our heart stuff. It's really about our hearts that He is after. Good reminder to me. Made some sense to my situation.

I often say God is my father but then live contrary  to this truth. I don't have an earthly father anymore so when I need a father the one I have to look to is really God. I have started reminding God of this lately, like God I need you to be my Dad today. Talking to Him just like I would my earthly Dad if he was here and you know what? I can sense a difference in myself. There is starting to be a settling of my heart, a cease to a wrestling that I didn't even know was there until it was gone. So in the midst of all my life, the ups and the downs, I am trying to live like a daughter who has a Dad that take care of it all.